Monthly Archives: February 2012

didn’t mean to offend you…

before i start my weekend update post i wanted to get something off my mind – a conversation i had with someone this past weekend. 

this story requires a little bit of a back story i guess.  (names will be withheld and locations omitted to prevent something – i don’t know what or why i am trying to protect things but i feel it is the high road). 

me and andy had a group of “close friends”  it was us and 3 other couples.  we enjoyed dinners and game nights fairly often.  bouncing from house to house and event to event.  we really loved our friends and had a blast when we were with them.  the group dynamics changed (for unstated reasons) and things happened (maybe relocation to another house/state) so our group changed.  i have stated that change is something that i don’t much care for, but sometimes i think change can be a good thing and a thing that we should all welcome – so despite any sad feelings that i had about the changing of our group i was also excited for a shake up.  i was excited that maybe we would all take our relationships to a deeper level and converse about our life issues and current events in our lives and things that make us who we are instead of just about fantasy football, politics, church, church politics, family, jokes, cut downs, games and rules.  i was hoping that we would deepen our connection individually and as a group.  i had high hopes and even higher expectations.  both were eventually shattered and left in a pile of broken hopes and dreams.  it seemed that we were all moving in different directions in our lives and yet still holding on to something that might not ever have been anything other than a desperate attempt at game nights with other couples.  we stopped going to dinner, people stopped answering e mails, and people stopped being compassionate towards other people’s feelings and life.  (this is when i could blame the other 3 couples and say that all of this is their fault.  but i take blame.  i take a lot of the blame.  i know that andy takes some of the blame too, but in reality it was all 8 of us that let our group develop the way that it did – on the surface and nothing deeper – and all 8 of us are responsible for allowing our group to “die”).  i know that we still talk to a few members of the group, and that some of them still communicate (leaving me and andy as the main outcast members) but they still don’t have a strong group like what i had hoped it would become.  despite our current state we have always believed that maybe one day we could all get past our “issues in life” and we can move on and become a group again.  with that hope i have still wished everyone happy birthday (via personal message) i have mailed them Christmas cards – because i wanted to, i have prayed for them, i have read their blogs to stay informed (and prayed for things on their blog), i have looked at their facebook pages, i have replayed the fun times we have had togeher in the past.

with all that said…one of the couples relocated.  before their relocation words were said and feelings were hurt so they left and continued on with their lives.  just like we all continued on with ours.  (a side observation/rant:  i never went away to school, i have never moved; but a ton of my friends have done both of those and it annoys the crap out of me that 1. they expect that everyone will sob the day they announce they are leaving town 2. they expect a great show of emotion and pleading to not go 3. they expect that when they come back into town (without giving a heads up on the dates) that we will drop everything we had planned and join in a welcome home tour treating them like celebrities 3. they expect people to block out days that they might be here or not.  4. they believe that when they aren’t here we all mope around like little lost puppies with no life waiting on them to return and tell us how to live.  now i know this isn’t for all people and not every person has or will experience this…but this is the norm for me).  with that rant complete that is sort of how this couple is.  they have come into town and informed us at the last minute that we need to be somewhere to greet them (when i know for a fact that they have had their plane tickets for over 6 months).  they don’t make an effort to contact us when they are gone or here.  i have facebook messages to them about birthday’s, Chirstmas, death in the family, well wishes, etc and have gotten no response until this weekend. 

this weekend i sent a personal message to one of them saying, “happy birthday from the both of us.  we hope you have a great day.”  i sent it with no evil intent, just wanted the person to know that i was thinking about them on their birthday, since we have a history together, and to let them know that i still care on some level that i don’t understand why (maybe it is the hope of being re-accepted or maybe this was my way of offering an olive branch).  i didn’t expect the person to write back since their spouse didn’t respond to birthday wishes two months earlier (and other things).  but the response i got back hurt me so much.  but the person responded. “thanks, but you don’t have to wish us happy birthday or send us a Christmas card because it is kind of obvious that you don’t care about us.”  i didn’t respond.  i wanted to respond with so many hateful things, but i didn’t.  i wanted to respond 1. if we didn’t care why would i waste my time keeping up with your family.  2. why would i have sent you a Christmas card asking about the well being of your family (when we didn’t get one but other people got one from them). 3. that maybe i have been trying to seek peace between us and have been sending all these messages in  hopes that you would reach back and give me the permission that i needed that you didn’t hate me and that i would be welcome in giving my sincere apologies.  i wanted to write a ton on how many times we have been burned since they moved and before they moved.  i wanted to point out some things that i originally stuck up for this person about and how they might be true after all.  but i didn’t.  i read the comment to andy.  almost cried.  said all those things to him that i wanted to write and then i realized i would take the high road and let it go.  i will bury my hopes that we can ever be a group again.  i will bury with that the expectation that we ever had a real foundation for friendships with that group.  i will bury the memories that we once had and i will move on.  i will pray constantly that i will be able to move on and that those words won’t hurt me anymore. 

the last thing i have learned from this is to update my Christmas card list. 

for those of you that i have sent a Christmas card to or wished you happy birthday’s and those actions have offended you…i am so sorry.  from the bottom of my heart i am sorry to have offended you.  and please let me know and i will save a stamp this Christmas and remove you from the send list.

my valentine

a day late but happy valentine’s day.  (or singles awareness day as a friend calls it).

we don’t have a huge tradition of celebrating.  we have long ago stopped getting gifts for each other.  we typically do cards and that is it.  sometimes we make cards, sometimes we buy them or sometimes we dig through our growing drawer of cards never sent and pull one out of there.  (which is what i did).  we celebrated by calling in olive garden and eating take out at home in my pj’s watching tv.  it was wonderful to spend some relaxing  time at home and not have to clean up after cooking.  it was great to watch shows with my valentine and to read the sweetest card ever.  i really do fall more in love each day with him. 

i guess otis was feeling left out so he decided he wanted to have a seizure (but this one was different).  it wasn’t the usual shaking and drooling but staring into space and looking drugged.  we are sure it was a new type of seizure.  he seems to be doing better this morning.  we had to share our valentine love with the gee and sit in the floor talking to him. 

anyways.  happy v day everyone.  i hope that it was full of lots of love.

way to young

this past sunday we talked about driving in youth.  i will admit i was a little disappointed that we didn’t have all of our youth there.  i will admit that i wished all of the high schoolers that drive or are on the cusp of driving would have been there.  when i was in elementary school i lost the first person to driving.  my teacher was killed in a head on collision with a dump truck.  i didn’t know at the time but that would be a start of people that i knew and loved getting in wrecks and never walking away from them.  all around me people died in their cars, at the hospital after being cut out of a car, in a grassy field after being thrown from a car, laying in the middle of an intersection, in a drainage ditch, up against a tree.  my friends, people i loved, were dying way to young.  there were a few people in high school that i remember surviving wrecks but they always remained a victim of their own circumstances.  some of them had physical and mental disabilities, some of them had new-found fears and insecurities with cars and driving, some of them were heart-broken because others perished at their hands, still others who weren’t near the broken mess were forever changed.  i remember dates 7-18, 12-19, 2-13, 11-4 as dates when my life would never really be the same.  it is my opinion that some of the people i have lost drove themselves to their own death (going 110 mph, going 120 mph, running late).  others where at the wrong place (woman ran a stop sign and hit him).  in either circumstance it is also my belief that teens feel like yes it is going on in the world around me but it won’t happen to me or to any of my friends.  i thought that too at one point in my life.  never again will i think that.
elliot and i at montreat 2002

2-13 was the anniversary of elliot dying.  were we best friends?  no we weren’t but he was a part of my life and i think of him often.  he was like a younger brother to me (even if he was taller) i often think of who he would be today.  i often think of his family and where this tragedy has led them. 

i know how much his death changed his youth leaders and how i hope and pray i never get a call that it is one of our youth.  i pray that the ones who were there got something out of it, and that they will tell the ones that weren’t. 

why so late?

i didn’t include the excitement with otis in the weekend update so i thought i would share a little bit about our gee.

i don’t know the first time otis had a seizure because the vet said he could have had them from puppy hood and we just didn’t notice.   i do remember one of the first times that andy called and noticed that he was having a seizure.  they were in bed (when he moved back in with his parents) and otis woke him up and was in mid seizure.  he ended up taking him to the vet and they ran their blood work but said that it seemed that he just had them.  no real cause.  so we don’t know how many times he had them when he wasn’t around us, but now we knew that he did have them and what they looked like.  the first time i saw him have a seizure was Christmas eve when we were on the way to TN.  we were in the car when he started drooling like crazy.  he then started shaking (not like a human seizure).  his eyes were huge and he was just lying in my lap and staring at me.  we pulled over and waited until he was out and continued on the way.  we knew how to deal with him when he is in his seizure state.  he talk to him, make him lay down (he has hurt himself when he tries to walk during them), pet him, talk to him, and wipe away the drool when it gets really bad.  (we also learned that like humans when he has a seizure, most of the time he will lose control of his bladder).  we have a waterproof pad that we lay him on so that when he does pee, it is ok.  after he is done andy takes him out to make sure he doesn’t have to go anymore.  this is what we do.  it is a routine that we fly into action to keep him from being too scared.  the one thing that i can’t get used to is that he has his seizures late at night.  this past week he had one.  he woke andy up at midnight and andy woke me up so that we could take care of him.  besides the one in the car and one at 9pm another time in TN he always has them between midnight and four am.  so i want to know why so late?  i wonder if anyone else’s dog has seizures only at night?

update:  since his seizure thursday at midnight he has been doing fine.  no lasting problems. i think he slept all day friday (but he does that anyways).

weekend update and good books

friday night after a bad week of work we went to home depot and picked up some potting soil and a plant stand.  we came home and sat around.  i honestly was just decompressing from the week and trying to relax.  i believe i even went to bed eraly. 

saturday we woke up and made our breakfast (minus the bacon) and watched this old house.  i watch in constant amazement at the amount of money people are putting into this show and the house and in the transformation of the house.  when it gets closer to being done i am constantly amazed at why people are doing some of the designs that they do.  but in the end it isn’t my house so whatever.  we relaxed and i read a little and then we cleaned the houes.  all the while i kept hearing the wind outside.  when we were done cleaning we had to fix a few of our peace lilies.  we have had one for 5 years (well almost 5).  it was a wedding gift from my aunt.  i have been amazed that it has lived this long.  since we got it, it has been on the shelf unit next to our door.  it doesn’t get much natural direct sunlight so i think it has grown up a little funny looking.  it is very lanky looking (if a plant can be lanky) and tall.  it has gotten so tall and lanky that now when we close the door we have to make sure the leaves are in the way.  we have 2 other peace lilies that are from an arangement given to our family when my grandfather died.  (there was another plant in there but it didn’t fair so well).  these two plants are beautiful.  they are short and fat and full looking.  one sits next to our patio door and the other in our office.  i think they get a little bit more direct natural light.  and we have another plant i am not sure what it is, but we have had it almost as long as we have been dating.  i don’t remember why we got it, but to andy’s dismay i call it our “love fern” from the movie “how to lose a guy in 10 days.”   i just think it is a funny concept.  anyways that little plant has been through so much in it’s life.  it used to be in the kitchen until otis bounced his crate to it and uprooted it…twice.  it then sat next to our tv (until Christmas – then our tree went there).  we moved it behind the love seat and it has stayed there and been happy for the past 2 years.  since we have tall and lanky we decided to move it.  we moved out “love fern” to the office with one of the lilies and put tall and lanky behind the love seat.  it looked really bare next to the door so i put some ivy in 2 little pots and put them in it’s place (and i had an extra so i put it in the office).  i say all of that to say that we went on the patio to repot and plant and the wind was blowing so hard and it was so cold i had a hard time breathing.  (moving on) we got eveything watered and happy and we went to dinner with mom, dad, and kendra.  we went to razoos.  it was wonderful.  i love that place.  after dinner they came over and we played phase 10.  it was fun.  andy won (but he cheated) and kendra came from behind and almost beat us all. 

we did finish out collage wall and i hope to get pics and post them tonight or tomorrow (my computer takes so long to download the pics that i might download at work and post tomorrow night at home).  i love it.  i look up and just smile at the memories and what each thing means to me. 

we went to church this morning (i will be honest i wanted to sleep in since mom and dad didn’t leave until late) but i went.  tonight we are talking in youth about driving.  i hope that it will be a great conversation and that the kids will take something away and share something with their friends.  too many young kids are dying in car wrecks. 

i finished reading ellen’s book.  i loved it.  it made me laugh and smile.  if you are looking for an easy read definately pick it up.  i am now reading “a stolen life” it is also a good book, but a lot different.  look it up!

speaking of that book.  i am going to go read a little and grab a nap before youth.


i got an invite from a friend to join pinterest…

i joined but i don’t get it.  i can’t look at work (since facebook is blocked at my office) but i hope to be able to explore it more and see what all the hype is about. 

i did pin two things that i saw (or repined them)…whatever that all means.

1. was using old light bulbs as vases (super cute but i don’t know where or when i would do it.  i am thinking of cute center pieces for a dinner but need to work on what would hold them up).  will let you know once i figure something out.

2. using a pallet as a coat/purse rack.  they took a pallet and painted it and put hooks in it.  i told andy if we ever had a bigger house or farm-house we are so going to do that!

i will keep you up dated if i figure it all out.  🙂

we have fun

okay who needs a million dollars for entertainment?  we just spent 15 minutes of me throwing heart candies at andy and him laying in the floor trying to catch them with his mouth.  all the while otis sat on the couch beside me and i swear i could hear him sigh at how boring we are. 

here we come exciting weekend!  whoo hoo!

right to speak

there are times when i say things i don’t mean to say or more importantly i shouldn’t say.  but like i have said before in a post (i am sure) that i am opinionated and sarcastic.  which gets me in trouble. 

when i meet someone new i am usually a little more low-key and i keep my opinions/honesty/sarcasm to a minimum until that person gets to see me interact with other people and see that i’m not being mean/vindictive/rude that i am just being me.  that goes for adults or kids and at youth or work.  if a youth brings a friend or a significant other i try to give them a few times of coming before i play 20 questions.  i think i get the 20 questions from my mother.

i went to 2 colleges.  i started at uncc and graduated from queens university.  i remember when i was at uncc there was a guy (i think brick yard gary – but couldn’t swear to it) and he would stand on campus yelling at everyone who walked by and at everyone who was willing to stop for a second and listen.  he was rude but he got people yelling talking with him.  i would sit at a safe distance and listen to his arguments and think “who does this guy think he is?”

i say that to say that i honestly feel it is important for people to earn the right to speak and the right to be heard.  i don’t think that people should be able to stand up and yell at people whenever they want and say whatever they want until they have earned that right to speak and be heard.  i feel this way about new bosses, preachers, friends, family, enemies (you can learn a lot from your foes if you listen).  but likewise i think that all of us has the responsibility to earn the right to speak and to be heard.  i think that looks like someone being able to speak their opinion and be honest about things, but not to be pushy. and to understand that there are other opinions that might not be the exact same as your own and to respect those opinions and the people who have them. 

i don’t mean to be on a soapbox but i have heard a lot of things the past week that have made me so angry and have made me want to stand up and scream “who do you think you are and why do you think you should have the right to be heard.”  it isn’t that i don’t respect a different opinion or that i don’t think that people can have other view points, but i do have a problem with childish name calling and cold hearted comments and insensitive words and heartless intentions. 

do me a favor people…be nice.

slap you silly (for lack of stronger words)

since we started this blog and i don’t know who will eventually read it, i try to keep it fairly clean.  i would have loved to use another title since i feel a lot stronger than “slap you silly” can portray.  i am beyond frustrated at my place of employment.  granted i am still grateful that i have a job and i am making money to help with bills and living, i am so frustrated. 

i have been asked by the higher ups my opinion on things.  when i give my answer i almost feel like they have heard and are processing what i am saying and then it is like i can watch my thoughts float through the air and out the office.  it is like my thoughts are standing in their ears with their hands on either side of the ear canal staring at the ear drum.  they are waiting to be processed but instead they are rejected.  (not even in one ear and out the other) it is just talking and wasting air.  i am not the only one that is frustrated (which i guess makes me feel a little better that it isn’t just me and i’m not alone).  but i am so tired of it. 

i don’t own a crystal ball and i can’t tell the future, but i feel deep in my bones that an uprising or tension filled change is going to happen.  the people that do the majority of the work are ready to take action (not that it will be heard) but i feel something dramatic coming on..

go giants!

 this past sunday was the super bowl party with the youth.  i remember being in youth (as young as middle school) and going to super bowl parties.  in middle school we went to karmen’s house (they lived in a huge house and could accommodate all of the kids and parents that came – they also lived on a golf course).  i remember as a girl and being that young i didn’t care at all about the game.  luckily none of my friends did either so we played capture the flag and hide and seek around her house (including hiding in/on/around neighbors cars, in neighbor’s bushes, in trees around the house, under the bridge on the golf course, in sand traps).  we had a great time.  i know as i got older it was more exciting to watch the commercials and it was more fun to hang out with the cute boys so i would attempt to learn and watch the game and not get bored.  i know one time when i was in high school we were at andy’s house with the youth group watching the game and i stayed in the living room to impress andy with my vast knowledge of the sport.  i got so bored that at the end of the game someone woke me up.  i was leaning against a couch or something (close to andy) and fell asleep with my head propped up against his knee (i am reluctant to admit this, but when i talked to leslie at school the next day (and she asked about the party)  i might have said it was kind of lame but my head touched his leg – no i wasn’t obsessed…).  anyways so i have a history with super bowl parties and youth. 

now i am rolling into the role where i am the adult at these parties, trying to make sure that youth are in the bounds of where they ought to be, being a nurse for injuries, making sure that everyone eats something, making sure that kids don’t sneak off, making sure that everyone has a ride, and making sure that all of them have something to do or a comfortable place if they get bored and take a nap. 

we started the party with youth vs adults football game.  i think one of the adults ran into a kid (too much momentum to stop), luckily it was their own kid they knocked down.  andy stepped on a kid and then gave a kid a bloody nose (it is hard being old and when you get up that much speed it takes a while to slow down).  but everyone ended up ok.  i don’t know who won the game.  i would imagine the adults won.  after that we ate some hotdogs and hamburgers and settled in to watch the game.

i have said before that i love our youth…sometimes i could just love them to death – they drive me crazy.  this year 2 of the kids that aren’t officially in the youth group (but have gone to montreat and done a few other things with us) came and one brought her friend, so we had a fairly large high school group.  i was watching the game when a middle schooler came to me and said i had been summoned to the hot tub where the 2 high school girls were having girl issues and needed me.  i rolled my eyes and started down the stairs.  i could only imagine what it was.  i figured that one of their boy friends was annoying them and i had to settle a fight (which i did at montreat).  or i imagined one of them needed feminine products (but not sure why they would care to announce it to everyone), so i walked to the tub of doom not knowing why i was drug away from some lame (sorry) commercials.  i got down there to discover that my responsible, mature, sweet, loving, wonderful, respectful, high school youth were hungry and thirsty.  they wanted me to become a waitress – their waitress – and take their drink order and walk to a cooler that was only about 10 feet from where they sat relaxing in a hot tub.  i couldn’t believe it.  i gave them a hard time about it but i gave into their demands.  why you may ask me?  because i was already downstairs really do love them.  i laughed on the way back upstairs.  i couldn’t believe that they would ask me to be their waitress but then i was a little glad that they felt they could ask me….that means that they have to like me a little despite my bad cop personality. 

it was a fun youth event and i think that everyone left in one piece. 

as far as the game itself.  i liked the halftime show.  i grew up listening to madonna and i like her and her music.  i thought it was neat how they brought in some new flair with old tunes.  i thought it was a great free concert.  (steps off soap box). i don’t love the giants and i certainly don’t love the patriots but it was still a fun game to watch.  i wanted to giants to win, 1. because i know that my grandmother (and family) would be mad if i went against a manning 2. because i really don’t like the patriots 3. because one of the giants went to independence (have to represent) – #88 nicks.  4.  someone i don’t like wanted the patriots to win.  i was so glad that they ended up winning!  the commercials were fairly lame.  there were a few that i liked but most of them were too sentimental and lame.  better luck next year.

i guess that wraps up the super bowl post.  until next year and another great party.