Tribute – don’t eat that

How do you capture a broken heart in a blog post?  How do you convey the tears that are still unshed and building up behind your eyes?  How do you write about a grief so raw?

On 11/2/18, Otis passed away.  For those of you that don’t know Otis, he was our beagle.  We got him when he was a few days shy of 6 weeks old.  I don’t recall why we got him so early, other than I think they were just ready to have those puppies gone.  We loved him from the second he was handed to me and nuzzled under my chin whimpering.  We had him 15 years.  782 weeks and 4 days that he was on this Earth and that much time that he wormed his way into our hearts and lives.

After he passed, several people said they felt like they knew him from my posts on social media.  He was always a source of a funny story or crazy antics.  He was a source of amusement to a lot of people.  To us he was family.  He was the glue that held us together during times we couldn’t get out of bed.  He was the laughter in our house when all we had were tears.  He was 15 years of routines.  He was the constant in our lives.  He was our everything.

I have several blog post that I have been trying to get updated and posted.  Then this happened and I stalled more than usual.  I have started to write this post a million times and haven’t been able to come up with the words.  I keep writing about his last week with us, and his last days, and his last minutes.  I just can’t get through it.  I keep writing about what he meant to us and fall short.  So I decided until I can post those things, I will write about some of his antics.

Everyone told me after he died that they knew he crossed the rainbow bridge and was playing like he never played before.  I sort of agree.  I kind of feel like heaven to our beagle and his mischief soul would be eating things he shouldn’t and not getting in trouble.  I was thinking about that the other day and made a list of the things Otis ate while here.  So my post today is a tribute to my sweet puppy and the things he ate.

This is not a complete list but the things we could remember.  This does not include things that he ate off the floor while we cooked, or dropped while we ate, or the things he ate while in my parents presence that they didn’t report.  Reading through this list makes me feel like an irresponsible pet owner. In our defense we always tried to push things to the back of the counter.  We always tried to puppy proof the motor home.  He was just so patient he would wait on that one slip up to go for the goods.  He knew better and we always had to tell him, not yours and don’t eat that.  Sometimes he would tell on himself and would come up to us and put his head down and lean into us.  Other times he would excitedly jump up and down pawing on us like come look what I did!

• Ham (Stolen off plates, platters, floors, hands).
• Ham biscuits (He stole those when my grandfather passed away.  He snuck in the kitchen after someone brought them and took two before I noticed my dad laughing because he knew what he was doing).
• Chocolate Covered Cherries (He snuck those while we were in the motor home at the Charlotte races.  They made him really hyper (like psychotic) and he threw up).
• M&Ms (Dark chocolate.  Ate those while with my parents.  He was so sick.  Several after hours calls to the vet.  A trip to Walmart at 3 AM.  He got a few other M&Ms here and there, some fun packs etc, but never an entire large bag).
• Chocolate Chip Cookies (He snuck one from my purse – left over from lunch.  He stole a few off a plate off a counter).
• Ressee Cups (He stole those out of my mom’s purse – it was her emergency chocolate).
• Hersey Kisses (He stole those after our wedding.  They were part of our favors.  He opened some of them and ate just the chocolate and on some he ate the foil.  He pooped foil for a week).
• Hersey Kiss wrappers (He would steal candy wrappers all the time.  He loved the foil from Kisses).
• Life savers (He stole these after our wedding too.  They were also part of our favors).
• Coffee beans (He opened my brother in laws Christmas gift and ate some coffee.  I also had a center piece for a table that had coffee beans.  When I would mix them around to make the aroma spread through the room and beans would fall to the ground he would gobble them up).
• Tortillas (My parents went to Sam’s and got the largest size bag of soft tortillas.  While unattended in the motor home he grabbed them opened them and ate part of them.  He flung the rest of them around the motor home).
• Spaghetti (Same trip as the tortillas – he grabbed the unopened noodles off the counter and had a fun day).
• Gravy (Also in the motor home at the race, he jumped on the counter and licked the gravy spoon and the left over gravy after breakfast).
• Bible (Bought Andy a brand new Bible (The Message) and Otis shredded that thing).
• Norman Rockwell Book (Chewed on the spin of the book.  We still have it and laugh each time we see it.  Granted Andy was so mad when it first happened).
• Rainbow flip flops (Andy’s pair.  Andy was mad).
• Boxers (He always would grab a pair of Andy’s boxers and chew on them.  Right out of the laundry hamper or the dryer he didn’t care).
• Socks (This might have been our mistake.  His first toy was a sock tied in knots.  He loved grabbing socks and chewing on them.  It was a challenge to put shoes on around him, when he was a puppy he would attack your feet trying to get the sock).
• Plant (He dug up our “love fern.”  Andy gets made when I call our plant that, but I find it hilarious.  Watch How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.  He pulled it up while he was locked in his crate.  He bounced his crate across the kitchen and grabbed the plant and dug it up.  Twice).
• 3 crates (He chewed on 3 crates.  To the point that we had to have metal welded on, chains applied, and locks attached).
• Towels (Too many to count. When we first started crating him we tried to put them in there so he would have something to lay on.  He shredded each and every one).
• Blankets (He destroyed several.  He dug a hole in a few while playing with Andy.  He also shredded some that we tried putting in his crate).
• Abercrombie Coat Zipper (Andy’s coat.  He destroyed the sipper.  Luckily the coat is still wearable, but just doesn’t zip).
• Suite Coat (A Christmas gift for Andy from me.  Otis ripped the pocket off the coat, making it trash.  It was a really expensive suite that was bought with pennies saved at a time we didn’t need to spend that kind of money.  I was the most mad about that one).
• Candy wrappers (He would find any and all candy wrappers.  Sneak them off the end tables by the couch, out of the trash, if there was a candy wrapper around.  He found it and would try to eat it before you noticed).
• Snotty tissues (Yes it is gross.  He loved a tissue full of snot.  Cold season was his favorite time of year.  He would sneak into the bathrooms and look for tasty treats.  He would come back wagging his tail with tissue stuck in his teeth.  Most of the time we would flush the tissues, put it in the kitchen trash which was in a cabinet, or elevate the small trashcan where he couldn’t reach it).
• Gum (He would get this out of my purse especially if I left him in the car alone.  Or he would find it in the car because Andy would leave some in his door some of the time).
• Sour Patch Kids (After the M&M incident mom was more careful with leaving chocolate in her purse.  At the race she assured me her purse was puppy safe.  After 10 minutes he could sour patch kids in her purse.  He loved them).
• Cough drops (He also loved eating cough drops when he could find them usually stolen out of a purse, a coat pocket, the bed, off the dresser).
• Bread (This is not limited to just slices of bread, but entire loafs of bread.  He would steal them off the counter and off plates while we were trying to fix sandwiches.  He would grab the loaf off the counter and hid in the kitchen eating his loot.  He preferred homemade over store bought, but he would eat it all).
• Fried Chicken (He stole dad, mom, and Candy’s left over chicken off the counter and ate it all.
• Hamburger buns (Stolen off the counter)
• Bag of brown sugar (Stolen off the island in the kitchen.  I put everything out to bake cookies and ran to answer my phone which was in the living room.  Came back and got another bag of sugar out because I didn’t see the other one and thought I hadn’t set it out.  I Heard something weird and looked on the other side of the table and his little beagle face was covered in brown sugar.  He ripped open the bag and there were clumps of it every where).
• Futon Mattress (He dug several holes in several futon mattresses.  It was part of his separation anxiety and his humans didn’t realize what we could do to help at that point in time).
• Soap (He ate an entire bar of soap after we put him on anxiety medicines for his separation anxiety.  It gave him the munchies and he ate an entire bar of soap.  He was so sick for a day.  He puked in the bed twice that night, and was miserable the next day).
• Pizza (He convinced his cousin Haley the dog to get it off the counter – he was still a young puppy and couldn’t reach it.  They shared an entire large pizza).
• Carpet (He dug up and chewed the carpet at two houses.  Kingsport Hwy house in TN and Clayford Ridge house in NC).
• Door Frames (He ate door frames at 4 houses.  Clayford Ridge, Kirkcaldy Lane, Amber Mist Lane, and Kingsport Hwy).
• Window sills (He destroyed several in the Clayford Ridge house and chewed on one at Amber Mist Ln).
• Blinds (He destroyed several sets at Clayford Ridge.  We have one set in our house now that has an Otis tooth puncture mark in it).
• Toilet paper rolls (He only did that once, maybe twice.  But he shredded an entire roll of toilet paper).
• Magazines (As a puppy he shredded and chewed on a handful of magazines).
• Fried pickles and tater tots (He stole my parents left overs off the counter).
• Finger nails/toe nails (Gross like the tissues, but he would go through the trash and get them out.  Makes me gag thinking about it).
• Hair (Technically he wouldn’t seek out the hair, but in digging through the trash could end up eating some).
• Ravioli lid (The week before he died he snuck a lid out of the trash and enjoyed licking it clean.  So thankful he didn’t cut his mouth).
• Blue Marker (He turned his white fur blue for a few days until it wore off).
• Glasses case (He got it out of my purse while he was looking for food, and it now has his teeth marks on it).
• Napkins in cars (He loved napkins in cars.  He would find them and shred them in the car).
• Treat Jar Lid (My mom got him a nice treat jar with a wooden lid.  He got the lid off Andy’s desk and chewed part of the wood off and left his bite marks all over it).
• Electric cord (For a long time he was terrified of cords so we assume he got zapped when he chewed it).
• Water bottles (Or soda bottles.  Otis would chew on the lids making them come off.  He didn’t care if there was liquid or not, he would still take the lid off and spill stuff everywhere).
• Trash (He absolutely loved going through the trash can.  It was like the best scavenger hunt ever).
• Trash (Not in a trash can.  If you left a cup on the coffee table and it had ice cream in it, or a yogurt container, of a bowl that had peanuts in it – you better believe he would get it before you cleaned up).
• Trash (One time he drug an entire trash bag into the guest bedroom and hid it so he could go through it later.  We put it by the door to take it to the dump.  Went outside to pick up trash next to the road to take when we went.  We came back inside and the bag was gone.  Otis was sitting on the couch looking guilty, but we couldn’t prove anything.  We searched the house and couldn’t find it.  We gave up, knowing he would lead us to it later.  Later that night he snuck off and we heard the rustling of a bag.  We went in the guest bedroom and on the other side of the bed partially shoved under the bed was the beagle and a giant trash bag that he was going through).

I know that I am forgetting things.  Probably hilarious things.  He was a sneaky little critter that wanted to explore the world with his nose.  His nose normally led him to something he thought he could eat.  He is missed, his antics are missed.  I have had a cold and my little trash can of tissues makes me choke up thinking about all the times I had to pick up shredded tissues.

Family Photos

With Andy’s immediate family we draw names for Christmas.  Each couple gets another couple to buy gifts for.  The older I get the harder it is to buy Christmas gifts and to put a “wish list” out there for people to buy us stuff.  I am to the point if I need something, we get it.  If I want something, eventually, we get it.  So telling people what I want or need has become more difficult (and the times that I gave the brand of shampoo, toothpaste, conditioner etc it was laughed at as a joke).  Last year we had Andy’s parents as the couple we were buying for.  I think they feel similar because they couldn’t think of anything they wanted or needed for their Christmas wish list.

Part of the problem was that they were in the process of packing boxes and moving and with most things they packed his mom would say something along the lines of why did she had so much “stuff.”  I didn’t want to add to the stuff she needed to pack so we thought extremely hard on what to get them.  We decided to get her a gift card so that she could have family photos done by a professional.  Not just my camera and tri-pod.  They seemed happy with their gift card.  Fast forward to 10 months later and they lined up using the gift.

I don’t like pictures anyways.  We will start there.  But we went into town (I had a dentist appointment too) and got dressed up.  I straightened my hair (which is always an ordeal) and put on mascara and lipstick and we did this picture thing.  The photographer did great and worked fast.  The nieces and nephew seemed to smile for all the pictures.  It worked out nicely as a good gift.

See the kids looked great.

I smiled and hoped it would reach my eyes.  The entire time I was watching our nieces run around with our nephew I couldn’t help but think that Addy should be here with her cousins.  Each time one of Andy’s siblings asked if they should be holding the kids, I couldn’t help but think I want to hold Addy in our pictures.  I couldn’t help but think that she would have fit right in with them.  I couldn’t help but think of how unfair it was that she wasn’t with us.  I couldn’t think too hard because then I would shed the tears that were hiding behind my hopefully real looking, fake, smile.  The photographer would say “family with girls” or “family with the boy” and then “you two.”  To her credit she didn’t say “childless couple” because had she, I would have lost it right there in the park with my mascara running down my face.  She didn’t know where we have been.  It isn’t her fault at all.  But standing there with my in-laws in front of the picture.  To the right of the picture was their oldest child, his wife, and 2 daughters in a tight little clump.  To the left but still middle of the picture was their youngest child, her husband, and their son in a tight little clump.  To the far left was their middle child, and me.  And a heart so full of holes and sorrow.  But that was our clump.  I love Andy with everything I have but there is still that emptiness.  Addy should have been there.  I miss the dreams and answers to prayers that she represented.  I miss the what could have beens.  But mostly I just miss her.

Infertility sucks.  In my story, nothing emphasizes that more than “family” stuff.  Be it holidays, vacations, going out to eat together, or family photos…family stuff is hard – yes still (and sometimes worse than before).  We have been travelling this road far too long.  We are no stranger to sadness and disappointment and loss.  One would think we could “get over it already and be happy.”  But family is hard.  Family reminds me of that family I don’t have.

Holidays are fast approaching and I feel like there will be some moments I sneak out of rooms, or step out onto the porch for fresh air.  There will be times I lock myself in the bathroom for a few minutes just to breathe and give myself permission to be sad and happy.  To give myself the grace and space I need to grieve the could have beens.  To quietly brush a tear off my check.  Yes, I live infertility each and every day, but holidays are a different battle.  All of that to say – forgive me if you turn to ask for a refill on your wine, or to pass the salt and pepper and you are telling my back as I am walking away.

writing

So I had a list of all the things I was going to catch up on and write about when I took a break waiting to gain more storage.  But I re-read that list and there wasn’t much on there that actually seemed important now.  So I crushed it in my hands and tossed it in the trash.  So with no prompts or lists of topics I am just going to write.

For a long time writing has been therapeutic for me.  I have so many documents in word and drafts in my e mails where I just free write to get things out of my head.  It is so funny to go back and read some of the things I have written and seeing where I was at that time in my life.  Then sometimes reading the things that I have written just takes me back to places I don’t really want to be again.

Over the past several years infertility has been my demon.  It is something that consumes a lot of my time and thoughts.  The what if’s roll though my head.  The why plays over and over in my mind and heart.  The insecurities are crystal clear in the writing.  The blame I placed/place on myself and God are there.  The frustration creeps back in.

Let me be very clear that while I am living and breathing infertility and it consumes so much of my life – it does not consume everything.  I have moments, days, weeks, and months even that I exist with this label and don’t bat an eye.  That I push it to the back of my mind the best I can and enjoy life without worrying what happens next, without feeling like I have to be an advocate, without feeling like I have to explain why we have no children or defend why we haven’t been chosen with the adoption, without feeling like everyone that glances at me has a look of pity for me.  Where the past and the future don’t taunt me.  So while infertility is my demon – I still have some freedom to hide from it.  But that is all I can really do is hide.  Eventually it finds me.  Eventually it allows those thoughts to flood back in and I become that infertile girl again, and she warps into this monster.

As I read back through and think about where I have been and where I am, I realize I am caught between despising who infertility has made me and being proud.  With Mother’s Day approaching I swing closer to the despising side.  I think about the years I have missed out on that holiday and how each year is breaks my heart a little more.  Yes I celebrate my mother and other women that have “mothered me” but with each year that passes my time feels further and further out of reach for me to actually get to be on the receiving end of Mother’s Day.  It hurts.  It makes me mad.  It frustrates me.  I hide on that day because I worry that the monster that infertility has created will do something or say something stupid or offensive to someone.  That my bitterness will be more evident and that I will hurt feelings and people will make me feel guilty because I don’t have a child, that make me feel selfish because I can’t just “get over it and be happy.”  In years past I avoid church and will this year as well.  Sad but oh so true.  I can’t do it.  I avoid facebook and other social media.  I do my best to avoid going out to eat.  I attempt not to communicate with people in public because strangers tell women “Happy Mother’s Day” even if you don’t have a child with you.  And sometimes people that know you don’t have a child will speak that phrase to you and makes you wonder why?  Why in the world would you say that to me knowing the road that I have traveled.  And those three words when spoken or texted to me cuts straight through my soul.  I don’t deserve them.  I am not worthy and those words are wasted on me.  I despise that part of me.  The part that hides from the world – that allows the bitterness to creep in and fears that I will forever be 1 in 8 and never get to experience what motherhood is.

So this year as we get closer to Mother’s Day I find myself surrounded by emotionally bad days, the monster that comes with those days breathes bitterness and disdain and hopelessness.  Not with everything in my life, but with everything infertility related.  That monster has crawled into my head and heart and set up a tent, built a little camp fire, sitting all smug in a chair roasting marshmallows.

 

8 days

**I wrote this in the days following Addy’s funeral, but until now didn’t feel like posting**

addy’s life was short.

there is no way around this subject.  her life was short.  8 days to be exact.

while you may not agree with the next several thoughts, you have to allow me to believe them because i do.  we don’t have to agree, but we can respect each other.

when addy was born the odds were not in her favor.  she was 12 weeks early, she had the PDA, she developed the infection, and she had the massive brain bleed.  if she only had any one of those things (instead of them all), this story may have played out differently – but we will never know and playing the what if game is pointless.  with all of those complications we believe there is mercy in her passing.  we obviously didn’t want that to happen and we wanted the outcome to be different, but we were constantly reminded that we are not in control.  death is some times the most compassionate thing that can happen to a person, and we believe that to be the case in this situation.

even though the birth mother changed her mind hours before addy’s death she wanted us to be at the funeral.  we got an e mail from our caseworker with the arrangements.  we knew we wanted to go to support the mother and her family, we wanted the agency to know that we really did care, and while addy was alive i spent a lot of time with her and wanted to say goodbye.  so for us we knew that we would go.  we wouldn’t attend the grave side service, but we would go to the funeral home.  since the birth mother hadn’t told a lot of people that she was giving the baby up for adoption we didn’t want to go to the grave side service where people talk to the people around them afterwards.  we didn’t want to just say we were “friends” because we didn’t want the follow up questions.  the safest thing to protect the mother and the best thing for us was to just go to the funeral service at the funeral home.  when we got there we signed in and found a seat.  shortly after we sat down the pregnancy counselor came over to us and we stood up and hugged her.  she slipped something in my hand and told me that the mother wanted us to have it.  it was a tiny knit hat that belonged to addy, they also gave us a card signed by the people that worked at the agency.  i gave her a card and a flash drive of the photos that i had taken of addy to give to the mother.  we spoke with our caseworker and gave her a hug.  a few minutes before the service started the birth mother came over and gave me a huge hug and the dad came over and shook our hands.

i don’t love funerals – besides the obvious that someone is dead, but because i don’t feel like funerals capture a persons life.  i have been to a few funerals that have made me feel closer to the deceased, but most of the time i feel like funerals paint a picture that isn’t an accurate image of that person or their life, or that they are so far off on who that person was to the people they have left behind.  i will say that this funeral was no different.  it was painful.  i mean no disrespect for addy, her family, or the preacher that performed the funeral, but it was the worst funeral i have ever been to.

to begin with, it was a funeral for an 8 day old baby.  it doesn’t matter that we were connected through the adoption process and that she was so close to being ours, it would have been horrible even if that wasn’t the case.  it honestly felt like a pre-memorial service for pat summit (she was eulogized more than addy was).  i liked coach pat as much as the next person, but the tiny little body up there wasn’t pat summitt, it was addy.  the other thing that stuck out to me so much as being terrible was that in talking about pat summitt the preacher continued to say that millions will remember pat, but no one will remember addy.  that her life meant nothing.  she was insignificant.

maybe we misunderstood the point of what the preacher was saying, but we both would have misunderstood the same way, because we were both very upset when we left the funeral.  during the funeral andy’s hand would grip mine a little tighter and i returned the gesture each time something didn’t sit right (at one point in time it was just a continuous squeeze).  we couldn’t  believe some of the things we heard, and granted at a time like this it is hard to know what to say, but I feel like other things could have been said.  i silently prayed that the preacher would step aside and ask if anyone wanted to come to the front and say a few words – because i would have gone.  i thought about the fact that most people didn’t know of the adoption plan and thought “i don’t care, addy deserves better than this.”  he never left the podium, and never gave me a chance to speak. so allow me to say what i feel like should have been said in the first place.

one thing that the preacher did say was this: “how do you eulogize 8 days?”  that is how he started his sermon and that grabbed me, so i will keep that.

how do you eulogize 8 days of life?

you shouldn’t have to.  it isn’t fair and it is hard for us to understand why things happened the way that they did.  we can sit here everyday and say it was all part of God’s timing, but that implies that God was ok that her life was cut short.  or the implication can be made that he planned on her life to be short for a “greater good” or to “teach” someone a lesson.  i have a hard time believing that some people are born to die to show other people something because that would imply that their life is expendable – that God doesn’t value their life as much as other lives.  i don’t believe that we are God’s pawns that he just kicks us off the chessboard whenever he feels like it.  i just don’t believe that.  i understand from a physical stand point why addy died.  i know that she was early and that she was very sick.  i understand that her chance of survival was slim with all of the complications – so her death wasn’t a complete shock to us.  what i don’t understand is the spiritual side.  i don’t know why we were chosen to be part of her 8 days.  my heart tells me that there is a reason, but i can’t figure it out – and possibly i will never know the reason – and i have come to believe that this is ok.

addy came into this world with a dramatic flair – butt first; however, that first breath of life was her own.  she was a 13.75 inch long, 2 pound 10 ounce miracle.  for weeks before her birth she was our miracle.  her short life was full of tubes, medicines, tests, needle sticks, glow lights, beeps, and monitors.  her cry was never louder than a kitten’s meow. she never found her voice and we will never know the depth of it.  she never got to sleep in a real bed, only knowing the warmth of the incubator.  she will never know the silence on a starry night gazing at the moon, she only knew the beeps, constant noise, and bright lights of the nicu.  despite never holding her, and never being able to be that close to her, i was able to pick up on her scent.  the “new baby smell” that everyone talks about.  when i left the hospital after she was born to go to the hotel, i fell asleep with my hands next to my face drinking the smell in.  the smell that i associated with dreams coming true, hope, and our miracle. the smell that a few days later, triggered the tears to fall as i leaned my head against the incubator praying that the doctors were wrong.

it is hard to imagine what kind of person she would have been.  in her short life you could catch glimpses of characteristics of who she might have been.  when she was uncomfortable or in pain she put her hands to her face covering her eyes.  when she was completely relaxed she would hold her ear or put her hands above her head.  her heart rate reacted to music showing that she enjoyed music.  she would have liked to have been snuggled because she always responded to touch.  she was quick to grab your finger and to latch on and squeeze.  but beyond these things we will never know addy as being beyond 8 days old.  we can imagine who she would have been, but because her beginning was brief and the ending came too soon we will have few thoughts of her growing and living beyond the incubator and the nicu.

she was surrounded by love before she took her first breath.  her birth mother loved her enough to do the adoption plan, andy and i loved her more than any words i can express, our families loved her, and friends loved her.  she was a little girl that was never at a loss for love or prayers.  they poured in for her.  the nurses and the doctors loved her too.  i walked in several times to see the nurses talking with her and telling her that she was beautiful.  she might have just been their patient, but the love in the nicu was palpable.  addy received more love in her short life than some people get in a life time and for that i am thankful.

while her life didn’t reach millions of people (maybe not even hundreds of people) she touched lives.  deeply.  the people that she leaves behind have felt her presence deep within our souls and we mourn the loss of sweet addy.

and while i still don’t understand the “purpose” in her life cut short and i don’t believe that God “caused” this to happen to teach us something i do believe that we can use terrible things – this death – to find beauty.  we can find beauty in the fact that she wasn’t alone and that she died being loved by many.  personally, i am holding onto the beauty that this experience has opened my eyes and proved that i can love a baby that isn’t biologically mine.  there is beauty that relationships were strengthened surrounding the birth and death of addy.  the beauty that God never left us throughout this entire process.

i will never believe that she was put here as a dispensable life.  for some unknown reason her life was an essential part of our story and of our lives.  there is a part of addy that will remain in my heart, and i hope in the hearts of others, forever.

how do you eulogize 8 days of life?

her life was short and and her death won’t affect millions of people.  her footprint might have been tiny, but in the 8 days she was alive she left a mark – her mark – an impact and love that was immense, beyond measure.

goodbye sweet addy, goodbye.

catching up on 2015 adventures

we had snow again.  it was cold but beautiful!

a lot of our kids were in the musical at the school – Oklahoma.  it was really cute and we have really talented youth!

my grandmother got the presidents away at the college.  so we got to play hide and seek with her.  except we were hiding and she didn’t know.  we avoided her until the award was presented to her.

jay and julian came stopped on their way through town.  (andy got a chest slap for old times sake)

the silipigni’s came to visit.

mom’s cats ashes and UT (the orange one) were cute like normal (they are getting older, but still just as fat and sweet as ever).

we have been to chorus concerts, shopping trips, date nights and so much more that wasn’t captured with our cameras.

now that I am getting organized with my photos and thoughts I can say that hopefully this will be the last “catch up” post.  my goal is to keep it caught up (but I have said that before I know).

something I don’t have photos of that I am thrilled about and so very proud of is that andy has decided to go back to school.  that means that he is traveling on most weekends, but we will survive the next few years.  I have been able to catch up on reading and sewing so it has been ok – for now.  I am looking forward to his graduation gift – which I am already mentally planning – a cruise!  i really am so proud of him.

katie’s baby shower

better late than never right?  so Katie (and chris) announced last fall (2014) that they were expecting a baby.

so in march (2015) maggie, robin, and i hosted a baby shower.  it was ducky themed and turned out to be a fun and wonderful time.  she got a ton of wonderful gifts!

a lot of laughter and smiles

layla came to the end of the party and loved the attention.  look at that smile!

congrats katie and chris!

cruising, wedding, and ringing in 2015

andy and I were booked for a cruise for may 2014.  we were so excited to be planning another vacation and then 2 unexpected things happened.  1. dad crushed his heel not long before we were to leave and 2. we got a wedding invitation to kendra and cliff’s wedding for right after Christmas – and they were getting married on a cruise.

we knew that we wouldn’t be able to go on two cruises in one year and we didn’t know if my dad was going to have surgery and I didn’t want to be that far away from home if he did.  so we called the cruise line and got our reservation changed.  one of the best decisions we made.  we got to go on a perfect vacation, see a wonderful marriage of two amazing people, and ring in the new year in style!

our boat was leaving from fort lauderdale, fl on sunday so we got up early Saturday morning (before the sun) and loaded up dad’s truck and away we went.

we made it to fl and met up with my brother and blair for dinner.

we made it to the port sunday after killing time shopping and driving around.  we went through security and after dad got his new knife taken away from him (he got it back when we got back) we boarded the boat.  there is something about walking through the walk way and to the boat.

we loved our room.  it was a little bigger than the room we had on the last cruise.  we had a love seat in our room.  (I think my parents were jealous).  they were around the corner and down the hall from us in a room that only had a chair (because of a connecting door).  and like last time, we had a port hole in our room so we could watch the waves and the ocean.

the wedding was different.  I had never been to a wedding on a cruise with the captain officiating.  we went to the chapel and had champagne while we waiting on the ceremony to start and once all the parties where there, we watched as two wonderful people exchanged vows and rings.

(playing with editing a little bit)

(back to the wedding)

to the beautiful reception

the first stop on the cruise was to the grand caymens.  we did our own self walking tour right around the port.  we didn’t stray too far but we did a little bit of shopping.  I love all of the towel animals.

 

we made a point to try to go to all of the shows.  on our first cruise we didn’t get to many of them and we talked about wanting to make sure that we did on this cruise.

kendra arranged for us to all sit in the same area at meal times.  we had a little trouble getting into the group since we transferred cruises, but we finally got it fixed to where we were sitting in the same area as the group.  we were at a small table with another couple from the wedding group.  allison and chris.  we had a good time with them (hopefully they did with us as well).

we enjoyed after dinner festivities around the boat.

the next port was jamaica.  we knew our room was close to where we got off the boat so I put my book in the window so that we could find our room.  we walked around inside the port area, but we also went outside the gate and walked around a little bit.

after dinner we were invited to join the group in new year’s festivities.  they reserved the bridge for our group only.  it was so much fun to be with everyone (and to not be in the crowd below).  we definitely brought in the new year in style.

the next stop was haiti

that night we took our towel animal and dressed him up so our cabin attendant could see his elephant dressed up.

they had the farewell show

the wait staff did their farewell song/dance.  we loved our waiter, francis!  someone ordered “nothing” for dessert and this is what he brought out!

when we got back to the room we noticed that the elephant had a few more decorations.

some random photos around the boat.

we went to an ice show – on the boat!  there was an ice rink!  it was a cute show and it was really done well.

view from our room

one of the shows had a violinist followed by a comedian.

some group photos

the marriage game!  hilarious!

some photos of our room!  ignore the name behind the curtain!

we had so much fun on vacation.  it was hard to narrow down the pictures to post the ones that i did.  looking back through all of them made me miss our trip.  but it brought up a lot of memories.  it was a wonderful wedding and festivities!  we were so lucky to be able to ring in the new year and start 2015 on a cruise.

we were sad to leave.

we are planning another cruise for 2018 – I hope!

me, andy, and otis

just a few random pictures of us three from 2014 (mostly I think).

andy in my new donkey hat.

this is the view I have of otis on all of our trips.

otis loves “cozy monster” (not staged).

otis loved when we opened the windows.  he stood there for an hour smelling the fall air.  when his legs got tired he jumped on the bed and laid with his head aimed at the window.

otis laying on the couch with his head near the open door.  catching the sunlight.  his old soulful eyes.

date night

otis emptied his toy box, trying to find the perfect toy.

at my grandmothers.

fluffy and wet hair

snuggled in the bed.

we bought him a dog bed so that when we board him he won’t have to just lay on a blanket.  (he gets stiff because he is old).I wanted him to get used to the bed before we took it, in hopes that he wouldn’t shred it while he was at “camp.”  at first he wouldn’t have anything to do with it, so we put it in the chair he always laid in…he started laying in it and likes it!

when you don’t have teeth to hold your tongue in your mouth…

I got out of bed and otis took my place.

otis in his sweater saying “it’s cold!”

I love these two!

north carolina Christmas 2014

some photos from Christmas in charlotte (2014).

ellen cheesing for the camera

cj (i don’t know what is up with the snowflake headband)

andy reading three donkeys and a donkey to cj.

presents and cake!

group photo (didn’t know which one I liked better)!

always great to see family.

tennessee Christmas 2014

this past Christmas we started a new tradition.  we went and picked our own tree (from a tree lot – in front of a big lots).  ok so we didn’t go out to a farm and cut one down, but we walked around the millions (hundreds) of trees and saw them standing tall and walked all the way around them.  we picked our tree and home we went!  (a little dark and bad – but I wanted to remember the occasion)!

the hardest part of dealing with a tree is otis.  when we bring it in otis thinks that it is his tree.  he gets so excited and we crush his hopes and dreams because we establish quickly that it isn’t his!  but he likes to help andy put the lights on the tree and check it out.

I love Christmas.  it has really become my favorite time.  I love the decorating, the movies (including, to andy’s annoyance, the hallmark Christmas movies), the books, the excitement in kids….just about everything.

this past year otis did good and stayed out of the gifts like he does each year. he was; however, horrible about using the tree skirt as a sled around the room.  he would get a running start and come flying around the corner and slide the skirt to the middle of the room.

otis loves presents

andy and jack decided to do ugly sweater Christmas so we put otis in a sweater as well.  the thing is otis loves his sweater!

it is always nice to see family!

out takes of trying to get a picture of the little cousins.  it was hilarious.

lucas was really excited about the snow globe in the box.  he kept pulling the box closer and closer.

otis got dressed in a small tree skirt and a joker/elf collar.

we made our wreath this year.  we also added to our Christmas yard art!

otis was also so helpful when I was trying to wrap gifts.  he also tried to get andy to love his sweater as much as he loves his!

Christmas 2014 was the end of an era.  that was the last Christmas morning I would wake up in that house.  ever since I can remember we would be in greeneville on Christmas eve and I would wake up in that house each Christmas morning.  now that we have our own house (if you didn’t know – surprise) I will wake up Christmas morning somewhere new.  andy has said several times that I can go over there and sleep.  so I am nervous and excited about this new change of events!  (in a few months I will let you know how it went).