amazing co workers

i have been at my new position for over a year now.  what started as a temp position has turned out to be a true blessing.  it was just the other day when we had a crazy and not so great day that I got in the car when andy picked me up and I looked at him and laughed.  he wondered what was funny and I couldn’t help but point out that even a bad day here is still better than a good day where I worked in charlotte.

I love my coworkers.  they are amazing people.  at work and not at work.  we laugh and we work and we have fun doing it.  this past January we were really sad.  Carolyn retired.  she had been such a great friend when I first got there that I didn’t know what I was going to do without her.  I am glad that she still comes by and visits with us!  I was fortunate that andy and I could go to her retirement party and celebrate with her!

there is something amazing about these people.  even on a morning when I leave my lunch at home, forget my breakfast, drop my water in the parking lot, run late, and get yelled at first thing they can pull me out of a bad mood in no time!

in short happy retirement Carolyn and we miss you so very much and I love the rest of you all!

Dec. 2013

if November was long and exhausting December was just as crazy.

that tree that we brought home from charlotte got put up (not really in a timely manner but it got put up and decorated (finally).  each year at Christmas we have a real tree.  i grew up in a home with a fake tree (we always traveled at Christmas so it didn’t make sense to have a real one) and andy grew up in a family that had a real tree.  we compromised and now we have a real tree (the compromise is that andy will water the devil out of the tree because i am so scared it will catch on fire – too much rescue 911 as a child).  back to my point…each year when andy brings the real tree in the house Otis gets so excited his entire butt wags.  this year he seemed overly excited so we sat him down and explained that the tree wasn’t his and he wrinkled his forehead and dropped his ears and looked at me like i ruined his life.

dec 5th would have been leslie’s 30 birthday.  i can’t believe it.  i miss her so much.  on top of being a little sad anyways it was a day from hell at work.  there were cancelled clinics, emergency case to go to surgery, bumped surgeries because of the emergencies, rude people and nothing went right.  tension was high among all and at the end of the day we all just looked at each other and shook our heads.  it was a train wreck of the day and i was glad to get home and be off that train for a night.  i will say with as bad of a day as it was my coworkers are rock stars and make even the worst day manageable.

the next day i was freaking out because i couldn’t find my camera cord.  i looked everywhere and called all of the places i had been to make sure it didn’t magically jump out of my camera bag.  this panic went on for a few weeks.  (no worries i found it after a few weeks – in my bag that i never unpacked from thanksgiving – that will teach me to not unpack).

dec 7th dr. scott (nat) took the girls to Asheville for our Christmas gift.  we did some shopping and went to grove park inn for dinner.  it was so much fun to hang out with all of the ladies outside of work.  we shopped until we almost dropped and thankfully we ran out of time because we ran out of room in the van.  on the way home we ran into some thick fog and thought we were going to die…but we didn’t.  we laughed and laughed.  i love these ladies!

i bought a lawn ornament (ok yes i did but i love it and i have no shame).  it is a tobacco stick with two old records melted and painted to look like a flower.  i will post pictures this spring when andy lets me put it in the yard.  he wasn’t all that excited about it.

we put out Christmas decorations.  each year a little more gets added to our yard and i LOVE it.  this year we added a little snowman and some deer to the doghouse and the word noel.  it looked so great.  the wind was really bad so we had some issues with our big snowman and the deer but it all worked out.  one night when i was doing laundry i heard the wind blowing really hard and looked out the window and saw that a deer fell over and the snowman had his head blown back and arms out so it looked like he was praying for the deer.  it was really funny (or maybe you had to be there).

i will share other Christmas decoration photos of the inside of the house soon (in another post).

Otis had a seizure on thee 21st.  he seems to be doing ok with it and had no lingering effects.  just slows him down for a little bit.  i had this long to do list and in the middle of being productive he had the seizure.

other big news in dec is that we updated our phones.  we both now have iPhones.  i no longer have a flip phone.  it has been a little weird.  i still don’t really use it other than to call, text, and take some pictures.  i don’t really use the internet or anything that will use up data.  just don’t feel right about that for some reason.

we went to a surprise graduation party for david (nat’s husband).

we had Christmas here.  Otis got boots and hated them.  once we get his nails trimmed we will post a video of him wearing them.  he played with Bryson.  they ran in the house and chased each other.  they howled and screamed together.  it was really funny.  my grandmother got a headlight and it was so funny to watch her and my great-aunt open gifts.  Otis also had a blast playing and wouldn’t share with dad even when he got in the floor to play with him.  we were also very thankful that Andrew got back to the states.  he was deployed overseas and it was great to see him and to know that he is “home.”

we went to charlotte for Christmas.  we had fun with the family.  andy, erik, and Katie got hornets gear and had fun reminiscing with that!  we got the girls a bug this year (ellen is too young to use it but it should last until she is older so that they will get a lot of years out of it.  cj isn’t so good at driving (at least she wasn’t when she got it) hopefully she will get better before she turns 16!

andy also decided to do no shave november and i didn’t notice until the middle of dec that he still didn’t shave – so he looked pretty shaggy.

a little cousin was born in december:  logan ross made his appearance and him and his mama are healthy and his daddy is proud.

church was crazy.  we had a ton of events that seemed to be unending.  we had the progressive dinners for the youth as well as a ton of special services.

as much as i enjoyed seeing family and friends this wasn’t the best December.  it just went by too quickly and i felt like i wasn’t able to enjoy it like years past.  we didn’t get any Christmas cards out this year and i hate that.  i felt like we rushed and scrambled to “do” Christmas and all we accomplished was barely surviving it.

to celebrate enduring the end of a crazy year, 2013, we went to the cabin for new years eve to relax.  we did nothing but relax.  we went shopping one day for a little bit but the other time we spent playing a new great game – crack the code on the dvd player.  it was bought at an auction and has a parental lock on the dvd player and we couldn’t watch any of our new movies.  we still have a great time.  Otis woke me up one morning and i got to see the sunrise.

happy end of 2013 and beginning of 2014

nov. 2013

 November was a long month in many ways.

my mom and dad both have birthdays in November.  dad the 5th and mom the 18th.

(my mom was awarded nurse of the year!  ok maybe not but she should be!  she was awarded for being at the hospital for so long)

i cried my first time (maybe second time) at work (i mean really cried) because i was so angry at a mean person who wouldn’t stop yelling at me it just frustrated me to tears.  it was also a time i was reminded at how awesome it is to work with wonderful people.

one morning we got a call that my aunt ann passed away.  November 19th.  (i am going to get on a soap box for a few minutes…sorry in advance – listen to your doctors and communicate with your family).  ann was my only “real” aunt.  my mom was an only child and my dad only had the one sister.  sure i had several great aunts but she was my only real aunt.  i have so many memories of her – good and not great.  i can remember when we stayed in tn for part of the summer that sometimes we got lucky and would go to her house to eat dinner and spend the night (if my grandparents had meetings).  we would make personal pizzas from scratch and would set up our tables (ironing board with a sheet over it) and would watch movies with her.  it was something that we didn’t get to do often, but will and i enjoyed it when we got to.  i remember baking with her growing up.  i remember helping at the green house when i was little (planting and helping deliver).  i remember many conversations with her and her support.

there are some iffy memories in there too that aren’t as positive…i remember the time that i offered to help her at the green house after we moved and she snickered and laughed at me because it “wasn’t my thing” and the unending comments about city people and country people.  but in a time of mourning and death i think it is customary to try to push those out of ones mind.  looking back those things don’t change the fact that she was my aunt and i loved her and i will miss her.

the other day we were standing in the green house and it was very surreal (as death is to me) knowing that she isn’t coming back.  i looked around and part of me was mad that she didn’t take care of herself better and that she wouldn’t listen to what the doctors told her and she was so guarded with her personal life that nothing we could say would change her mind about that.  that was who she was and at her funeral that was the message that we got.  even in her stubbornness she was who she was.  in those moments of anger it made me think of her funeral and at her funeral we laughed.  we told Jamie to keep it light and real and he did.  it was the most beautiful memorial service and the perfect send off.  in the good and not great, and the anger and laughter, and expectations met and not met there was love and at the end of the day that is what i choose to cling to.

my aunt was an organ donor at the time she passed away and i was the one that talked to the screening people at the donation organization.  i am an organ donor because i like the idea and thoughts behind it.  i will be honest i never really knew what that meant.  i never really thought about what that means for the people that are left behind.  while i understand completely the need for the questions i was asked, somewhere in the middle of the million and a half questions i thought i have no idea on some of these answers.  on my soap box i would like to tell everyone and anyone who will listen – talk to your family…make sure they know your history and wishes as detailed as possible.  after i got off the phone (an hour conversation) i was exhausted.

will came for the memorial service (actually the service was delayed 10 minutes waiting on him since his plane was delayed.  we took him to the farm and it was so funny.  the ganged up on him and tried to take the treats.  i will post pics of the farm in another post.  but here are a few with the family.

it snowed.

church harvest auction with guests jed and lisa.

thanksgiving happened. it was later this year and to be honest it was bad.  it made me lose a week before Christmas and that was so bad.  we went to charlotte for thanksgiving and it was great to see family and friends.  andy was glad to see tall buildings.  we got to see cj and ellen which is always fun and an adventure.  i had another allergic reaction to thanksgiving dinner but i was prepared and had medicine on hand to stop the itching.  i think i have it narrowed down to what dish i am allergic too, but still researching that.  who knows?!  cj wanted to take pictures with my camera.  i only had a mild heart attack when she almost dropped it so from now on if she has my camera the strap has to stay around her neck (she is ok with this).  she took mostly blurry photos and picks of people’s knees but with a little help she can center people and take a good photo.

we also went black Friday shopping.  it was great to be so close to stores…

we also got our tree from the church and brought it back to tn with us.  it was really funny watching all of the cars go back towards charlotte with trees from the mountains and we left charlotte and took our tree to the mountains.  it was very scary for me.  i had a slight freak out when we left charlotte and could envision our tree rolling off the top and taking out all the cars around us.  so i kept an eye on it.

we made it home with no trouble.

the only other thing i can think of is that andy trashed ace of base (i love ace of base and am still slightly upset over that) but, that pretty much wraps up an exhausting November.

road kill blues

growing up we had cats.  with the exception of a few months we weren’t without a pet.  until 1998 our cats were outdoor/indoor cats.  when we got Oscar and leo in 1998 our kitties became indoor cats only.

I never had a pet get hit by a car.  we had to put a few to sleep because of illness and I lost count of all the fish that we had to flush because they were found floating upside down.  we also had a hamster pass (in his food bowl).  all that to say that I have had several pets pass away or die…but none from being road kill.

I know several of my friends that had pets get hit by cars (and it was just heartbreaking to go through that with them).  the saddest of all was gracie (Otis’ beagle aunt).  so now each time I see a pet on the side of the room it just makes me sad.  it makes me think about the owner that is at home without their furry child/friend/sibling/family member.  it makes me wonder why was the animal close to the road?  did the person who hit the animal stop?  did they cry?  it breaks my heart a little bit each time.

my ramble is to say that in charlotte and in Greeneville we see animals on the side of the road all the time.  it might be a bird, raccoon, opossum, deer, dog, cat, bunny, snakes (when we see those it kind of makes me want to back up to make sure they are dead).  it is a part of life and something that it still makes me a little sad, but it is something that I see all the time so I tend to not get upset as much.  when we first moved we hit a bunny (I think) and I sobbed all the way home and thought andy was going to have to pull over so that I could puke on the side of the road.  it broke my heart.

several months ago there was a boom of baby ground hogs.  I would see 4 little ones on the way to lunch and 1 huge one on the way to and from work.  he was so fat and would sit on the side of the road in the midst of kudzu and just watch the cars go by.  he was so big and dark brown that he stood out in the green long before i got to him.  the way he sat and the way he observed the world humanized him to me and made me laugh.  I looked forward to going home and would look for him in the lush green.  one day as I approached his usual sitting place I saw that he wasn’t in his normal spot but something caught my eye and I realized he was in the road.  he was gone.  I was alone in the car and I cried all the way home.  I don’t know why he meant so much to me (and while I write and ponder this…I don’t know that he was actually a “he”).  I don’t know why i was so delusional to think of the little critter as my friend.  I loved seeing him play and watch the world in his own world that was shared with mine.  I don’t know why he wondered into the road that day after years of watching cars go by and surly understanding how dangerous it was on that pavement, but he did.  he was gone and i was left mourning with the road kill blues.

my “tv” friends

i like my shows…so what!?!

i have said before that i love my shows and my “friends” from those shows.  just a quick update on what we are watching in this house.

of course we watch football.  the cooler it gets outside the more i want to watch because to me cool weather = football watching.  the only negative is andy isn’t doing so well with his fantasy football team.  (so sad i know).

i sneak away from football sunday night to watch revenge.  i still love that show.  i am a little concerned how it will be able to survive another season.  i fear that they are about to run out of things that they can write about (and not make it to hokey).  i think that the writing up until this point has been unbelievable.  it is creative and done in a unique way.  i think that the plots have all been strong and people die that you don’t expect.  i am excited to see how things play out since the first episode leaves us wondering if Emily lives or dies.

we watch castle and bones (most of the time).  i have gradually lost interest in these shows…i don’t know if it is because the plot changes or because of the writing (or maybe because i have gained a touch of a life and don’t need those friends as much).  i do still enjoy them when i catch them.

i am a diehard fan of ncis and ncis la.  i was devastated that ziva left but at least she isn’t dead…so there is still hope!  i enjoy the writing and the characters and plots.  for Christmas last year andy got me a “bert” from the show and he sits on the couch with me Tuesday nights when we watch ncis and ncis la!  can’t wait to see what happens with everyone the rest of the season.

if we are home we watch duck dynasty and modern family and the middle.  they are all light hearted and funny and make us laugh.

i am glad that my fall shows started back but was sad that rookie blue is off until next may.  we were left with a lot of unanswered situations and i am so anxious about what the writers have in store for us next season!

what shows are you obsessed with?  i know i am not the only one!

funny animals…

so a while ago we went to the farm to feed and took the camera and got some great pictures!

oh no I lost my ear!

just kidding here it is!

he is so funny and likes having his picture taken (as long as he gets treats in the process).

I also found some pictures of when Bryson, kelli, and betsy came to see the baby horse (from back in june).

this past weekend we went to Bristol to see friends and andy went to the race (with dad).  I am so tired (even after a nap) and am not ready to go back to work tomorrow….but next week is a short week and we have some wonderful plans (i think) for labor day so I am excited about that).

weekend highlight: pow, wow, and holy cow

something we have done with different youth groups (usually in sunday school or back home group meetings at camp) is to list your pow (worst thing about the day/week), wow (best part of day/week), and holy cow (time that you felt closet to God…like holy cow that was amazing).  since this weekend was a long one with a lot of things going on i think that this is the best way to do this past weekend update.

friday.5/24/13:

wow: got to see 7 youth graduate from GHS (2 of them spoke at it) and the graduates got to throw their caps and spray each other with silly string!

pow: wanted to get to bed early so we could be on the road early – but still got in bed really late.

holy cow: the moon was amazing as we were leaving.  we saw it coming over the mountain and it was a simply beautiful reminder to me that God is good. 

saturday.5/25/13:

wow: we got to go back to charlotte and left on time (for us).

pow: it was a long drive because otis didn’t want to ride in the back and because he wouldn’t lay down on my lap.

holy cow: being surrounded by family and friends. 

sunday.5/26/13:

wow: got to hang out with everyone at the track and had a great breakfast. 

pow: didn’t win the race pool and made cj (our niece cry) – she was tired and ready to leave and i messed with her anyways.  😦

holy cow: two of the youth from monroe came to eat with us and see us and it was a great reminder of the time we spent with them and the faith journey we all went on together.  

monday.5/27/13:

wow: hung out with sandy and ginger, otis slept in the back of the car the entire way home, stopped at montreat and black mountain (got a new pair of sun glasses), no work which means a short work week! 

pow: traffic was bad and a ton of police were out and i was nervous (but thankfully we didn’t get pulled over or that would have been worse) and i helped andy make his to do list for the week and his pack list for his first summer trip and it made me sad (even though i love lists).  also on this trip there was little time to get together with other people. 

holy cow: going through the gates at montreat.

the rest of this week is going to be crazy.  there is so much to do with andy’s summer ramping up.  we had the pool party (end of year) with the youth and the rest of his nights are full of meetings.  we had a great weekend in charlotte and safe travels and great conversation and visits so even though my post isn’t full of fluff it was still wonderful. 

inspired…

so a while ago i wrote about unexpected friends and have really been thinking about those friends and about circumstances and have been really mulling that over in my mind the past few days/weeks.  sometimes you don’t have to meet someone face to face to be inspired by them and let me tell you why…

one of my new, unexpected friends (APF) has a blog and i have been reading about her life and the things she is doing now.  one of the things that she has been talking about is a line-a-day journal.  (i had to look it up because i had no idea what she was talking about – it is a journal that you can buy (or make your own) that has 25 lines on it and a place for the years.  each date of the years gets a page with five entry slots and over the years you write on the same page.  so you can look at the same day from 5 different years and compare).  she had marital problems and said that the journal was a place where she could see turning points in her marriage and in other relationships.  she was able to keep up with her milestones outside of the relationship (on a personal and professional level).  i e mailed her to find out more about this journal thing and she said it was really neat to go back and see where she has been and where she is going.  i thought i want to do that.  i had my reservations because what happens when i have boring days?  do i want to read a journal that says

” went to the grocery store and bought soup, cut my toe nails, tripped over the dog” or more like what it would say “got up, went to work, came home, watched a little tv and looked at the computer, read a little and went to bed”

i asked her about the boring days…she laughed at me and shared some of her boring days and it didn’t seem so boring to me (i guess i need to get a life).  i felt inspired by her dedication and how much she is learning and decided i wanted to do it.  i ordered a journal for me and one for andy.  i hope they get here soon so maybe andy can start his at summer camp and i can start mine while he is away.  i think it will be fun to read them together one day and see the different things that highlight our lives.  i was inspired to have less boring days and to do something each day that will make me want to get out and do something (like walk around the farm, sit on the porch and watch fireflies, read more, write more, visit more, explore more).  i am inspired and can’t wait to begin this process.

one of my old (not age) friends is traveling the world (or south america) with her boyfriend and another couple.  she has been on so many adventures the past 7 months and has been posting her pictures and experiences.  i have been so blessed to see where she has been though her eyes.  she has such a sweet soul and compassionate heart and i am so lucky to have her as a friend.  they decided they had so many wonderful experiences that they want to give back so they decided to use the rest of their visa to work on a farm and learn.  she is posting pictures of them gardening for the village, milking cows at sunrise, learning the trades of the people (making jewelry etc).  she is a constant inspiration to be a better person and to have faith and leap with reckless abandon.

thank you ladies for a dose of inspiration i needed today.

rambling thoughts: clouds storms and long drives

a smell, sight, touch, or sound can take me down memory lane in a heart beat.  or hearing a phrase that makes me think of things from the past can take me back.  sometimes it is a time of year that sends me tumbling off the trail with former memories.  these certain things put me on a path of wild and random (sometimes incoherent) thinking and i play the what was and what is and what if and what’s to come game.  sometimes my brain feels like a little hamster running on the wheel you think and think but really it gets you no where except stuck in a loop scared to get off and wondering how long have i been at this….

this time of year i think a lot about leslie (i think about her all the time as it is but as we get closer to the heart of summer i find my self thinking more and more about her).  i remember the trips we took and the things we bought.  i remember the last encounters that we had and the conversations that we had and the profound effect that she had on my life and how much impact her family has made still in my life.  something about this time of year makes me miss her more.

i think more and more about old friends and about relationships i have had and the adventures that we have been on.  some thoughts and memories make me incredibly sad and others made me laugh out loud.  i think about all the summers spent playing with will and vicky outside until after dark and our “bat club.”  i think about all the summer camps that i spent with katie and the youth group and making sure that katie and i shared a room and coordinated our outfits and packing list and that when we weren’t at camp we still had to be together.  i think about summer crushes (one that turned into love and marriage).  i think about all of the things i thought i would have done and wished i did and actually did.  i think of the person that i hoped to be and the one that i actually am.    i think….

the other day andy was at a meeting so i decided i would go feed pancake alone since it would be too late when andy got home.  it had been raining (i think we got 3 inches in about an hour – water was rising and roads were flooded).  i loaded the dog up and off we went to feed pancake.  for once i wasn’t punching a clock.  so i drove.  i only know 3 or so ways to get to the farm and as i was driving i kept getting derailed.  i would go as far as i could and have to turn around because of flooding in the roads.  i went all the ways i could to get to pancake but i couldn’t get to him – so i just drove.  it made me think of a time (when i could fill my tank up with gas, take seven dollars into the gas station and walk away with change) when i would just drive around to clear my head.  i used to drive to process thoughts and clear my head a lot.  i blame my dad for that.  (sorry dad).  driving to the farm already made me think of dad and driving around made me think of the times that he would come ask if i wanted to go to dairy queen for a blizzard.  i would think: ice cream?  sure!  we would go and instead of going the direct route we would drive down towards albemarle – typically turning around at the same gas station.  some times we would go just to go…i don’t know the real reason we were driving just that ice cream was involved.  other times we would go because i did something wrong (that was never stated but i knew) – we would get past the point where i could jump out of the car and walk home and dad would talk.  or if he wanted to have my attention to mull something over he would say what he wanted to say and we would ride in quiet processing everything.  once we got to the gas station we would turn around and go get blizzards and everything was forgiven and forgotten and processed.  i thought ice cream healed all…but the older i get the more i think that it was the drive that healed.

when i realized i couldn’t get to pancake because all my options were gone i headed home.  as i was driving home i saw lightning and black skies and i was headed right for it.  i was driving into the storm.  i couldn’t help but think that life was completely like that having to “drive into the storm to go home”.  i couldn’t help but think of the times that i have known about a storm and could see it from the distance and driven straight into it.  confrontations with friends that i knew had the potential to turn out horribly but they had to happen.  conflict with different people at different jobs.  fights with andy or my parents or brother.  situations that the skies were so black and hopeless but i had no choice because i had to get through them to get home and to a resolution.  when we have no choice and we see the lightning and hear the thunder and know that things are going to get messy we have to drive on and we do…we go through the storms and end up at home – sometimes a little battered and bruised and sometimes our homes aren’t as stable or sturdy as they were…but our foundation is strong and we make it.

when i got home.  i had battled rising waters and thunder and a spectacular display of lightning and a spastic dog.  i dealt with my failure that pancake wasn’t getting treats from me before bed.  i struggled with wrapping up my disjointed racing thoughts about driving and storms, hopes and dreams and failures, memories and life in general.  physically i was exhausted from a long day and mentally from processing so many thoughts and memories in such a short time.  i pulled the shivering dog out of the car and unlocked the door.  before i stepped over the threshold i looked at the sky.  the blackness was breaking up and the clouds were moving on except for one…

i laughed and thought how fitting that i drove straight into dark weather and made it home through the storm and waiting for me was a cloud with a silver lining…

(some of us are just going through figurative storms but remember those who are dealing with literal storms in moore, ok)

recap of the past weekend…

we had an over all good visit to charlotte this past weekend.  we were able to spend time with andy’s family friday night for dinner and just hanging out.  it was great to be able to visit and hang out with them.  it was good to see katie graduate and share in that day with her.  it was wonderful to spend time with my family and friends at the race track.  it was fun to continue the tradition of going to the race….it was one of those weekends where i wish we would have had more time to see more people…but i feel like those weekends are more often than not.

after the all-star race we had to race home (haha see what i did there?)!  andy had to be at church sunday morning.  so before the race i took a nap and after the race we waited around a little for traffic to calm down and started our trip home.  andy and otis slept and i was left with my own thoughts and the sounds of early morning radio.  my drive home was ok.  it rained most of the way and was foggy for the majority of it.  (there were only a few times that i couldn’t really see because of pouring rain and fog so that was nice).  we stopped once so i could get out and otis and andy got out and walked around too since stopping the car woke them both up.  on this drive i think i saw more deer then i have seen in several years.  i saw several packs (is a group of deer called a pack?) and they all made me very nervous.  i could tell that one group just crossed the road and was ok but two different times they were running parallel to the road and i just knew they would run out in front of me – but thankfully they didn’t.  i saw several fresh dead deer in the road.  apparently it wasn’t a good night for wildlife.

as i turned out the road we live on i the sun was coming up.  it was beautiful despite the rain and the clouds.  the sky just glowed.  it is moments like that, when i witness that beauty, that makes the journey worth while.

*this is the part where i admit that i went inside jumped in bed and didn’t give it a second thought that i was going to finally get some sleep and andy had to go to church.  this is also when i could confess that i might or might not have slept until 1.